Okay you have a few hours to go before that costume party begins, but no costume. Here’s what you can do, and all you need is your computer and a printer.

Undercover cop costume:

Just Google “Undercover Cop ID card”. (Here you’ll see “Police Dept. LA” and “FBI” but meh. Who cares. Just say you’re actually a not-very-clever spy posing as an undercover cop.) Take the photos ripped from the internet, fit to size, print, then cut out and glue onto a piece of black construction paper.

The best part about this costume is you don’t even have to change clothes!

Have a friend or partner who’s in the same position this Halloween? Run to the nearest store and pick up a pair of handcuffs and red paint or dye. (Or just take those handcuffs out of the box of sex toys you’ve got hiding under your bed…but make sure they’re not the fuzzy ones.) Paint one hand, wear the handcuffs, and go as a set. You, the undercover cop, he or she: Caught red handed.

And you’re done.

And now for the finale. Pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese icing. A cheater’s recipe that uses a cake mix and a can of pumpkin puree. These took no time to make and they are surprisingly delicious (and not disgustingly sweet)!

So to those of you who read my post on freedom, below is an example of positive freedom failure. But I only ate half of one. The rest are going to the party, I swear.