I was reluctant to post this since it’s not very interesting and kind of whiny, but I figure blogging has turned into a relationship, and I wanted to let you all know that I’m still around. I have notifications of all your publishing activity piling up in my inbox and I’m feeling guilty for not commenting on them. So I wanted to let you know it’s not because I don’t want to!
Update on my last health update (for some of you, this will be a repeat): I found out since that update that I misunderstood a lot of what the doctor told me. Still no diagnosis. Apparently MS has not been ruled out, but that’s because it’s hard to diagnose and rule out (I get the feeling it’s virtually impossible to rule out). Just about everything’s been ruled out, except for a few things that can’t be ruled out. The neurologist also mentioned these things as possibilities: “some kind of virus” such as Epstein Barre-CFS, fibromyalgia (which doesn’t fit the bill for me since I’m not in any pain, but that’s just my incredibly dubious opinion), Guillain-Barre syndrome (I can’t believe this one either). I don’t think this is an exhaustive list, just possibilities that he threw out. If it’s some kind of virus, there’s not much I can do anyways. The neurologist mentioned a spinal tap, but after seeing my reaction, he changed his mind and asked me to get yet another MRI in July to check for lesions. I’m actually not worried about it at this point. There’ve been so many ups and downs that I can’t take anything seriously anymore. I’m just relieved to be done with testing for the time being. I have one more appointment, and hopefully that will be the end.
I finished doing physical therapy for balance, and now it’s time to get on with my life. I have to try to get out of the house and pretend everything is normal. It’s like smiling when you’re feeling down; fake it until you make it. This is proving to be a bit of a challenge. I went to an opera yesterday (The Magic Flute, my favorite) and I had one of the worst dizzy-ick days ever, with stiff muscles to boot. Luckily the theater was filled with very old folks whose health problems put mine into perspective. And the Queen of the Night aria was fantastic.
The strange thing is that suddenly my interests are expanding as my ability to do them diminishes. I’m all over the place. My “Things to Do” list is becoming a scroll.
For instance, I bought a wood burning kit before I got my prescription to deal with brain fog. I thought it would be an easy way to get a feeling of accomplishment without requiring any thinking. It actually requires a lot more attention and fine motor skills than I had anticipated, since you’re dealing with a very hot object and no way to erase mistakes. It took several days to complete, working in small increments:
(It says: “Wherefore he resolved to have a moving image of eternity.” The quote comes from Plato, of course. It’s in the Timaeus.)
So naturally I want to get into woodwork as well, and then burn designs on my own creations. That will definitely not happen soon, but I’ll keep this project idea on the side just in case I ever hit that brain fog again. (That was another reason why I didn’t comment very frequently, or when I did, it always included an apology, just in case I wasn’t making any sense.)
In the meantime, I have more writing projects coming up that require research into a subject I know almost nothing about, a Heidegger post that I promised you, a book to critique by next month, and Geordie to walk every day. Not gonna mention my novel or all the books I mean to read. And an olive oil orange cake that I’ve been wanting to make for my husband as a little gesture of appreciation for all that I’ve been putting him through. (He called it “perfect” last time I made it, and he never uses that word unless he means it. For those who are interested in trying it, I added a few drops of orange blossom water but otherwise followed the recipe exactly. It’s a very simple cake that would be great in the morning with coffee.)
That’s it for me! I really appreciate y’all. You’ve been my only social life lately, but I haven’t felt in the least bit deprived. The conversations I’ve had with you throughout all of this have kept me afloat. Thank you!